When University Doesn’t Feel Like You Expected
by Cali Shimkovitz, MEd, RP(Q)
For months, maybe even years, you’ve imagined what university would be like. Freedom, fun, independence, new friends, exciting classes – it’s easy to build a picture in your head of what this next chapter is “supposed” to look like. But then you arrive on campus, move into residence, or start classes, and… it doesn’t quite feel the way you thought it would.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many students find the transition to university harder than expected. The truth is, new beginnings often come with mixed emotions. Excitement and stress can exist at the same time, and the reality of big changes doesn’t always line up with the expectations we’ve created.
Why it can feel so different than expected
Social pressure: You might feel like everyone else has already found their friend group or is having the “perfect” university experience.
Homesickness: Missing family, pets, and the comfort of home can hit harder than you thought it would.
Academic shifts: Classes can be more demanding, and learning to manage your time without the structure of high school takes adjustment.
Independence overload: Having to figure out meals, laundry, finances, and self-care all at once can feel overwhelming.
It’s completely normal if this transition feels bumpy. Struggling doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong – it just means you’re human.
What can help
Give yourself time
Adjusting takes longer than most people expect. Remind yourself that it’s okay if you don’t feel settled in the first week – or even the first month. Growth and comfort rarely happen at the same time.Stay connected to home
FaceTime your parents, text with old friends, or bring something small from home that makes your space feel cozy. Staying connected can actually make it easier to put yourself out there in your new environment.Focus on small steps
Instead of pressuring yourself to “have it all figured out,” try choosing one small thing each day – like introducing yourself to someone in your class, exploring a new part of campus, or joining a club.Challenge the comparison trap
Social media makes it look like everyone else is thriving, but people usually only post the highlights. Chances are, many of your peers are also struggling in ways you can’t see.Take care of your basics
Sleep, nutrition, movement, and downtime all matter more than ever. When your body feels supported, it’s easier to handle emotional stress.Ask for support
University campuses often have wellness centres, student groups, and peer mentors. And remember: you don’t need to be in crisis to reach out. Talking it through can lighten the weight you’re carrying.
A note for parents:
If your child is away at university and calls home feeling upset, your instinct might be to fix it. Instead, try listening first and validating their feelings. Remind them that what they’re going through is normal, and that it doesn’t mean they won’t adjust in time. Encourage them to take small steps toward connection and routine, and let them know you’re proud of the effort they’re putting in.
University is ultimately a huge life transition, and it’s okay if it doesn’t feel like the highlight reel you expected. Feeling out of place, overwhelmed, or disappointed is part of adjusting to something new. With time, support, and self-compassion, things almost always start to feel better.
And if it continues to feel heavy, reaching out for extra support – whether on campus or with a therapist – can make a big difference. You don’t have to figure it out alone.