What to Do If Your Child Says They Don’t Want to Go to Therapy
by Cali Shimkovitz, MEd, RP(Q)
As a parent, it can feel confusing and frustrating when you know your child could benefit from therapy, but they say “no way”. Maybe you’ve noticed signs of anxiety, big emotions, trouble at school, or changes in their friendships, and you want them to have support. But when you bring it up, your child flat-out refuses.
This is a common situation, and it doesn’t mean therapy is off the table. It just means your child needs some extra support in getting comfortable with the idea. Here are some steps you can take if your child is resisting therapy:
1. Start with Curiosity, Not Pressure
Instead of trying to convince them right away, begin by asking gentle questions:
“What feels hard about talking to someone?”
“What’s the part that makes you not want to go?”
“What would make it feel easier or more comfortable for you?”
Often, kids and teens aren’t against therapy itself – they’re worried about the unknown. Maybe they picture therapy as sitting in a room with a stranger being asked awkward questions. Or maybe they’re worried that it means something is “wrong” with them. When you listen first, you show your child that their feelings matter, and you also get insight into what’s behind the refusal.
2. Normalize Therapy as Support, Not a Sign Something’s Wrong
Many kids think therapy means they’re “broken” or “different.” You can help reframe it by comparing therapy to other types of support they already understand. For example:
“Therapy is like coaching – but for your mind and feelings instead of just for sports.”
“When you go to school, teachers help you learn math and reading. A therapist helps you learn how to handle stress, worries, or big feelings.”
“Just like a music teacher helps you practice and get better at an instrument, a therapist helps you practice skills to manage your thoughts and emotions.”
By presenting therapy as a place to build skills rather than “fix problems,” you can take away some of the stigma and fear.
3. Offer Choices Where You Can
Kids are much more likely to get on board if they feel they have some say in the process. You might give them options like:
Deciding whether sessions are in person or virtual.
Picking if they want you to come with them for part of the first session.
Picking something small to bring along (like a fidget toy, notebook, or favorite hoodie) to make the space feel more comfortable.
Even small choices give your child a sense of control, which can lower resistance.
4. Normalize First Sessions as “Try Outs”
One of the biggest fears kids (and parents) have is committing to therapy forever. Remind your child that the first session is really just a “get to know you” meeting. It’s a chance to see if they click with the therapist, ask questions, and figure out what therapy might be like.
Saying, “Let’s just try one session and see what you think,” takes the pressure off. Usually, kids walk out of the first appointment surprised that it wasn’t nearly as scary as they imagined.
5. Lead by Example
If your child is skeptical, you can share your own experiences. Maybe you’ve been to therapy, coaching, or another kind of supportive space. Kids and teens often feel reassured knowing that adults they respect also ask for help.
If you haven’t been to therapy yourself, you can still model openness by saying something like:
“Everyone needs help sometimes – even parents. I talk to my friends, family, and mentors when I need it.”
“Even celebrities, like Olivia Rodrigo, Selena Gomez, and Harry Styles use therapy or coaching to handle stress and emotions. Asking for help is normal and can make you stronger.”
“If it’s not the right fit, that’s okay too! Everyone finds support that works for them in different ways.”
Showing that asking for help is normal makes it easier for your child to do the same.
6. Consider a Parent Session First
Here’s an option many families don’t think about: if your child refuses therapy, you can still go!
Meeting with a therapist as a parent comes with huge benefits:
Communication strategies: You’ll learn new ways to talk to your child about tough topics without shutting them down.
Parenting tools: A therapist can give you practical approaches for handling meltdowns, sibling conflict, school stress, or boundary-setting.
Your own support: Parenting is stressful – sometimes more stressful than kids realize. Therapy gives you a safe place to process your worries, vent, and feel recharged.
And here’s the bonus: when kids see their parents taking therapy seriously, it models that getting support is a normal and healthy choice. Often, parents who start therapy for themselves find that their child becomes more open to it later on.
So even if your child isn’t ready, therapy can still make a difference in your family dynamic right away – through you.
7. Don’t Get Stuck in a Power Struggle
It’s natural to want to push when your child resists, especially if you’re worried. But forcing therapy often backfires – kids may shut down or dig their heels in more, enhancing resistance to future therapy. Instead, try planting seeds. Keep the door open by saying, “I still think therapy could be helpful for you. Let’s keep talking about it when you’re ready.”
Sometimes, simply introducing the idea, giving your child space, and revisiting it later is enough to shift their mindset.
The Bottom Line
If your child says they don’t want to go to therapy, it doesn’t mean you’ve reached a dead end. With patience, openness, and the right approach, many kids eventually warm up to the idea. The most important thing is to keep communication open, validate their feelings, and present therapy as a supportive tool – not a punishment.
At Straight Up Health, we also know that fit matters. Research shows that it often takes trying out 2 or more therapists before finding the right match. This process can be discouraging for kids and may even turn them off therapy altogether. Our 360 Discovery Assessment is designed to take that guesswork away! By really getting to know your child and family first, we’re able to recommend the therapist who is the best fit right from the start – so your child feels comfortable, supported, and motivated to stick with the process.
And if your child isn’t ready yet, remember: you can still start. Therapy for parents can strengthen your own toolkit, reduce stress, and shift the whole family dynamic in positive ways.
Therapy is about helping your child — and you — feel stronger, calmer, and more equipped to handle life. With the right steps, you can help your family take that first brave step in.