Perfectionism: What It Is, How It Shows Up, and How to Cope
by Cali Shimkovitz, MEd, RP(Q)
When people hear the word “perfectionism,” they often picture someone who colour-codes their planner, keeps their desk spotless, or gets straight A’s. But perfectionism isn’t just about being organized or ambitious. At its core, it’s about setting impossibly high standards for yourself and feeling like nothing you do is ever enough.
Perfectionism can sometimes motivate achievement, but more often, it leaves people feeling anxious, exhausted, or stuck. Let’s take a closer look at what perfectionism is, how it shows up in daily life, and what you can do to manage it in healthier ways.
What Is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is the belief that anything less than flawless is unacceptable. It’s not simply striving to do well – it’s the feeling that your worth depends on doing everything perfectly. While high standards can be healthy, perfectionism crosses the line when it leads to stress, procrastination, or constant self-criticism.
Researchers often describe two main types of perfectionism:
Self-oriented perfectionism: putting intense pressure on yourself to meet unrealistic standards.
Socially prescribed perfectionism: believing others expect you to be perfect and fearing their judgment if you fall short.
Both types can make life feel like a constant performance review that you’re always failing.
Common Perfectionistic Behaviours
Perfectionism doesn’t look the same for everyone, but here are some ways it often shows up:
Procrastination: avoiding starting a task because you’re afraid you won’t do it perfectly.
Overpreparing: spending far more time on assignments, projects, or emails than needed.
All-or-nothing thinking: believing that if something isn’t perfect, it’s a total failure.
Harsh self-talk: being overly critical of yourself for small mistakes.
Difficulty finishing tasks: endlessly tweaking or revising because it never feels “done.”
Avoidance of new challenges: steering clear of opportunities in case you can’t excel.
On the outside, a perfectionist may seem accomplished. But inside, they often feel anxious, frustrated, or like an imposter.
The Cost of Perfectionism
Living with perfectionism can be draining. It’s linked to higher levels of stress, anxiety, and depression. Over time, it can also lead to burnout because no matter how hard you work, you never feel satisfied. Relationships may suffer too, since perfectionists sometimes hold others to the same impossible standards they hold themselves to.
Coping with Perfectionism
The good news is that perfectionism doesn’t have to run the show. Here are some strategies that can help:
Challenge your inner critic with compassion. Notice when your self-talk is harsh or unrealistic. Ask yourself: would I say this to a friend? If not, what would I say instead?
Practice “good enough.” Not every task requires 100%. Sometimes 70% effort is plenty, and it frees up energy for other things that matter too.
Redefine success. Instead of focusing only on outcomes, celebrate progress, effort, and learning.
Set time limits. Give yourself a reasonable amount of time to complete a task, then stick to it instead of endlessly refining.
Take small risks. Try doing something imperfectly on purpose (like sending an email with a typo) to remind yourself that the world doesn’t end when things aren’t flawless.
Reach out for support. Talking with a therapist can help you untangle the roots of perfectionism and develop healthier ways to motivate yourself.
Final Thoughts
Perfectionism often hides behind the mask of “high standards” or “just wanting to do well.” But if you find that it leaves you anxious, stuck, or constantly dissatisfied, it may be time to take a closer look. Learning to soften perfectionistic thinking doesn’t mean lowering your goals – it means freeing yourself from the pressure that nothing is ever enough!